I'm Sorry if I'm Not Pretty Enough for You Read online

  I’m Sorry If I’m Not Pretty Enough for You

  By Beth Connolly

  Published by Beth Connolly at Smashwords

  Copyright 2011 Beth Connolly

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  I’m sorry if I’m not pretty enough for you.

  That’s all I could think as he put his hand on my arm and leaned in for a kiss his eyes closed, his hand light on my arm. I wanted to shrug away. I wanted to tell him that we kissed enough as it is; that it wasn’t just enough to be friends but I didn’t. Something held me back, like it always does.

  He kissed me long, like any girl would dream of, but it wasn’t the same. My eyes were closed; it wasn’t entirely one-sided, certainly not a grenade moment, but ours lips didn’t fit together magically like I had thought they would and the sparks weren’t there. Sure, I had that feeling any girl would feel when she’s being kissed but that special feeling, like everything is right and beautiful and magical. No, it just wasn’t there. Nothing about this was right.

  I pulled back, or at least tried to. I didn’t open my eyes. He had done this before, always taking more than I wished to give. I wanted to sigh, wanted to end the kiss but his lips were still set on mine, still kissing me. Sometimes I wonder if he noticed but I doubt it. He just kept on kissing me and I let him, afraid to hurt him.

  He finally pulled back and when he did I was glad. Our heads were still tilted towards each other, our eyes locked in love. I knew that much; that I loved him, but sometimes I wonder if that love is enough. “You’re so beautiful,” he said, gazing into my eyes yet still able to lie. “I could get lost in those blue eyes forever.”

  I sighed. I couldn’t understand it. What did he see in me? Why did he kiss me when I was so ugly and I didn’t even kiss right?

  I’m sorry if I’m not pretty enough for you.

  The words echoed in my mind like a soft after note. I looked down at the ground my hair falling in my face like a screen. “I don’t know what you see in me,” I said truthfully still looking at the ground, unable to look at him for fear that he would finally see the truth; that I was the ugly, naïve girl I said I was. He looked at me as he spoke, almost immediately to the words he heard so often come from my lips, “I see a beautiful, intelligent, sweet girl whose worth a lot more than she believes.”

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  Author’s Note: That’s the way a lot of girls feel; that they aren’t pretty enough, that they aren’t good enough. They don’t know why guys like them or how they can kiss them when they are ‘ugly’. They just don’t understand and for guys it can be frustrating and just plain depressing to hear their girl tell them constantly that they (the girl) are stupid, ugly, and naïve. It makes them feel like the girl isn’t receptive to their complements and ultimately might not care about them the way they care about the girl. That’s NOT how the girl feels. In reality it’s the exact opposite. Most girls like that are receptive to compliments but the thing is they aren’t used to it. Something from their past taught them to hate themselves, taught them to have low beliefs in themselves and their bodies. They learned to hate themselves. They learned to call themselves those things and really they can’t help it. It just comes naturally. So to be called beautiful and sweet and all the things that guys call girls it just feels off. They feel like they’re lying to the guy by letting them call themselves that and so tell the guy what they see themselves as. It’s a bad chain of events that starts from childhood. For some it was an abusive parent who always blamed them for something. For others it was a family member that pointed out everything that they did wrong even though for years they had been the golden child. Everyone has a past and that past always affects the present.

  Discover other titles by Beth Connolly at Smashwords.com at http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/bethconnolly214

 

 

  Beth Connolly, I'm Sorry if I'm Not Pretty Enough for You

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